Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
Randomize
