Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
