Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize
