i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
Randomize
