she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
I have post one night stand depression
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