so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
FIrst one done
How did it go?
I dunno I taled about women being treated wrong and quoted Ice T. So probably a "c"
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
Randomize
