my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
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