i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
I would ride that face into the sunset
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Randomize