its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
