Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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