I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
