Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
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