I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
I pour the whiskey from now on
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Randomize