I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
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