don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
