i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
Randomize
