You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
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