i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
Randomize
