It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
