She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Randomize
