is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
