so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
Randomize
