Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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