yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
Randomize