i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Randomize
