I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
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