Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
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