I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
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