Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
Randomize
