He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
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