I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
