Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
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