i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
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