rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
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