guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
