I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize
