Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
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