he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Randomize
