so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
Randomize
