I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Randomize
