Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
