So drunk, too bad you don't want this
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
