I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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