Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
My liver just broke up with me...
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
Randomize
