Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
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