I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
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