I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Randomize
