It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Randomize
