If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
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