i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
Randomize
