she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
Randomize
