i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
Randomize
