if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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