i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Randomize
