I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
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