She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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