I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
