burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
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