I accidentally had phone sex last night
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
Randomize