I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Randomize
