I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
