She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
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