I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
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