in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
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