Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
She told me I should be a condom model.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
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