mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Randomize
