Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
Randomize
