I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize