So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Randomize
