dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Randomize
