dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
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