my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
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